I Must Confess…out of the mouths of babes
“Mum! Why do you have fur on your front bottom?”
Thankfully I was already hidden away in a toilet cubicle with my then angelic looking 3 year old youngest daughter so I was able to avoid the eyes of the other people in the restroom. Still my cheeks flamed red with embarrassment as I hastily tried to distract Delilah from her careful perusal of my person. I took as long as I dared to dress myself and flush the toilet before finally emerging from my hiding place, hoping anyone who had been there to hear her ask her question had already left.
“I’m going to call my band Go Girl and the Screws!”
Matilda was very proud of the name she had come up with for her band, although Nathan and I had to choke back our laughter when she told us. To this day I still have no idea why she thought calling her band “The Screws” was a good idea or why she thought it was a good name for a girl band. I’m also very confident she still doesn’t understand why her father and I had trouble keeping straight faces that day – still makes me snigger when I think about it!
“It’s like Chinatown in here.”
Gilbert’s innocent yet highly inappropriate observation in a crowded lift at Sydney Airport still haunts me to this day. I did not know where to look or what to say when he uttered that comment. I wanted to shout out “We are not a racist family, honest!” but I thought the better of it. As we were stuck in that lift until we arrived at the next floor there was no escape and it seemed that every single eye in that space turned our way. I have never greeted the opening of elevator doors with more relief than on that occasion, believe me!
“Mum, look at that statue of Hagrid over there.”
We were in the uniform shop at Gilbert’s new ASPECT school that was collocated in a Catholic primary school. Thankfully the uniform shop lady was kind and understanding as I’m doubting the principal (Sr Judith) would have been, had she heard. You see, the statue my son had pointed out had nothing to do with Harry Potter – it was, instead, a statue of Jesus Christ. Apart from the flowing locks and the beard I don’t think many people would normally mistake Jesus for Hagrid but then again it seems we are raising a pagan and a racist family. I couldn’t be more proud…not.
These are just a few examples of some of the crazy, funny and embarrassing things my kids have said over the years. There have been many more but I never think to write them down at the time – do you?
It’s true that kids do say the darnedest things and have a way of delivering the knockout line that rivals any of the top comedians out there. What comes out of the mouths of babes is often pure gold.
Do you have any funny stories to share? What’s the funniest (or most embarrassing) thing you’ve heard a child say?
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