I Must Confess…the designated driver

This week’s prompt was ‘inspired’ by the events of my work farewell.

Since I don’t have clear memories of the entire occasion I have asked my husband to be completely honest and spill the beans for me.

So enjoy the tale…

A good hangover story? Is there such a thing? I can remember several outstanding hangovers – like the time I vomited glow-in-the-dark yellow – but I cannot remember many good hangovers. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? When you have one of these so-called “good hangovers” you are not usually in any condition to enjoy the shenanigans. Sometimes you don’t remember the events leading to the hung-over state, or the aftermath at all.

You know what I’m talking about, right? Those (hopefully rare) occasions after a big night out where you wake up with a throbbing headache, the taste of ash in your mouth and the burning question, “How did I get into my pyjamas?” Those mornings where you follow a string of discarded clothes down the hall, wince at the explosion of noise from every dripping tap and gasp in horror at the number of empty wine bottles on the kitchen bench. The days where your partner’s cheery “Good morning” makes you want to round-house kick them into next week – if only you could raise your head high enough to see exactly where they are. Those moments where you ask yourself “What the hell happened last night?”

It’s these occasions that have the potential to become a “good hangover story”, if only someone was around to remember them…

Kirsty had one of those days recently. She had her very last day of work and the obligatory celebrations that go along with such an occasion. She had a great time over lunch with her former colleagues who were all very excited to see the normally very sensible Kirsty swallow a bottle or two of apparently easy to drink Sauvignon Blanc. There were flowers and wine and tears and laughs and everyone had a wonderful time. I remember because I was the designated driver.

I remember everything.

Designated driver

The party continued after we got home. That wasn’t the plan, of course. We were driving two-hours north the next day to pick up Gilbert from his grandparents. We needed to be in tip-top condition to deal with a boy who had just spent a week being spoilt rotten.

We decided to cook a roast for dinner. Kirsty tried to help but when she put the lamb in a freezer bag and then tried to put it in the oven, I took over.  I prefer my meat to not be shrink-wrapped. Kirsty kept me company over a glass of wine. I realised she’d had enough to drink by now because of the number of times she told me she loved me.

Really loved me.

No, honestly, REALLY LOVED ME.

I suggested we switch to water or lemonade.

“Lemonade!” Kirsty replied. I went downstairs to get a bottle of lemonade only to return to the kitchen to find Kirsty with an empty bottle of wine in one hand and an overflowing glass on the bench. She had managed to tip half a bottle into the glass, and onto the bench, and the floor…

“I thought we were going to have lemonade, sweetheart?” I asked gently. Is it just me, or does everyone talk to drunk people like they are children?

“Oh,” was Kirsty’s only reply. Then, like one of those drinking bird toys that sips from a cup, she leant over the bench and slurped from the wine glass. A big, noisy slurp that sucked wine right up her nose. If wine wasn’t everywhere before, it was now!

I sent her upstairs where she occupied herself playing with the girls. I busied myself in the kitchen, but a little while later I knew something was up. It was too quiet. “Hey, sweetheart? Everything okay?” I called up the stairs.

Silence.

I found the girls playing with Mummy. Like a doll. There she was, asleep on the floor. Matilda had lifted her head to put a pillow under her. They had covered her in a sheet.

I took advantage of the moment by taking photos. Because, honestly, how many opportunities will I get?

Drunken Mummy 1

 Oh, there are many more where that came from…

It took a LOT to wake her up. It might have been a bit mean, but our daughters were all keen to have a “sleep over” with Mummy on the floor and I knew that would not end prettily.

I managed to wake Kirsty up, get her to drink a bottle of water and even eat some dinner. As I was getting cutlery I made a conscious decision to only offer a butter knife – after the wine glass incident I didn’t know what she might do next! Have you ever seen a drunk person try to cut meat with a butter knife?

Anyway, dinner, shower and bed. A simple plan, obviously hampered by Kirsty’s total inability to undress herself. She managed to tie her arm behind her back trying to take her dress off and I found her turning in circles like a dog chasing its tale. I finally got her to bed. She was unconscious before her head hit the pillow. It was 8.30pm.

The following morning was much like I described at the start of this post. Where are my clothes? Who drank that bottle of wine? Why is that pink sheet out? At least, that’s what I imagine it was like. I wasn’t there – I had to drive two-hours north to pick up our son.

I can certainly confirm that the next day was hideous. Delilah castigated me for falling asleep while playing with her while Matilda laughed at how funny mummy looked on the floor. Meanwhile it took me all day to feel half human again after hugging the toilet bowl on multiple occasions and nursing a very tender head…

Thank goodness for Nathan being the designated driver. And I don’t need alcohol to declare to all that I really do love him!

The Rules…

I Must Confess

– I Must Confess is a link up that runs every Monday and remains live for the whole week.

– You can link up something old or new, we’re not fussy around here.

– Feel free to go with the prompt for the week or add your own confession, whatever suits.

– Please go forth and share the comment love – it is bloggy crack after all!

– We’re always open to suggestions for the weekly prompt!

Next week’s prompt – what item(s) of clothing are you most ashamed to have in your wardrobe?


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30 Responses

  1. Lydia C. Lee says:

    Heh heh….photographic proof and all….
    Lydia C. Lee recently posted..Don’t get caught up in the numbers…

    • Kirsty says:

      Oh, there are worse photos – one of Delilah in particular, virtually sitting on my head! Sadly I still do not remember any of this – I’m definitely not doing that again for a LONG time…

  2. Oh this is hilarious and SO relatable – you have a great way of telling the story Nathan but Kirsty I REALLY feel for you lovely – ugh! Can I add this to the laugh link? It’s bloody funny!
    Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted..A list of honest parenting books I’d like to write – Part three! – Laugh Link

    • Kirsty says:

      Go for it – I was going to link it up anyway 🙂 Nathan definitely does have a great way of telling a story – at least he could remember it…!

  3. I love the photo.

    Now, back to the glow in the dark vomit, did you really eat a glowstick?
    Ed @ The Tunnel recently posted..Taken: Clive Palmer’s revenge on Campbell Newman

    • Kirsty says:

      Ed, our theory was that Nathan had dyed his hair fluroscent yellow for an event and the vomit was somehow related to the dye. How it gets from the hair and into the body, who knows? But we have no other explanation – although that was another huge night when we were young and fancy free… 😉

  4. Tegan says:

    Oh you poor thing Kirsty! I haven’t had a hangover like that for a few years but I still remember it like it was yesterday, it was that horrific. Funnily enough it was caused by wine too. So I stick to Vodka and it seems to not steer me wrong.
    Tegan recently posted..ACT: My Experience

    • Kirsty says:

      I’ve only had a solitary glass of the offending substance since and did not enjoy it at all. So it’s going to be a while until I come anywhere near sav blanc again!

  5. Haha love this story, well done Nathan – love the photo too 🙂 . What a way to celebrate your last day!
    Janet @ Middle Aged Mama recently posted..Renaissance Spring Fair

  6. bahahahah! I loved this!! I have a similar photo of my husband. So so good.
    Sarah from Creating Contentment recently posted..a daily facial exfoliating scrub recipe

    • Kirsty says:

      I obviously need to get one of these on Nathan now – don’t like my chances though, he is even more sensible than I am usually!

  7. Rae Hilhorst says:

    That is a truly beautiful story, having seen you both I can see what a special family you are. I love the kids taking care of a sleeping mummy x
    Rae Hilhorst recently posted..Five in Five Questions Time

    • Kirsty says:

      They were very sweet. They were all set to have a sleepover with me too! I’m very lucky to have a patient husband and family to look after me – thank goodness I don’t require that level of care all the time 😉

  8. Alicia says:

    This post is all sorts of awesome, I was slapping my leg with joy! Love it. Thankfully I haven’t ad THAT hangover for a long time. God help me when I do 🙂
    Alicia recently posted..Lentil soup from leftovers

    • Kirsty says:

      My husband certainly has a way with words. I suspect he relished witnessing me in that situation – it has given him leverage over me for quite some time to come!

  9. Hi! What a funny post! Well, to us reading it that is!!!
    Great pics too!
    I’m new to your blog but I will be returning!!! x
    Laura Evelyn Bee recently posted..Project Yes: Baking

  10. Sharon says:

    Oh this made me smile! I suspect it may be one of those parenting moments that will never be forgotten 🙂 Thanks for linking to Mommy Mondays #TeamMM
    Sharon recently posted..Family Connection Mission – Turn Off the Camera

  11. Hilarious. I must admit I have avoided hangovers completely since having kids, but it brings back memories! Not great ones!!

  12. Paula J says:

    How funny! The worst thing is though when you get to the age of the two-day hangover 🙁 Today I say never again! lol
    Paula J recently posted..Harvest Snaps Product Review!

    • Kirsty says:

      Same here – I’m NEVER drinking that much again (however I do have a significant birthday next year so who knows how I’ll feel then!) 😉

  13. Love next week’s prompt. Perfect timing to get my ‘should it stay or should it go NOW’ blog series up and running.

  14. I must remember to stop putting my old blog address in the comments field. I have a lot of updating aka homework to do, following the blog merge.
    Raych aka Mystery Case recently posted..What’s NEW pussy cat….. woah woah woah oh

  15. Hugzilla says:

    Oh my god, those descriptions. I DO NOT miss those feelings. The older you get, the less it is worth the events of the night before. That picture tells the whole story!
    Hugzilla recently posted..Please Help! I’ve Just Committed Food Blogging Fraud!

  16. Zita says:

    hahaha….love it Kirsty! Good to know we all get ourselves in this position at some stage(s) of our lives!

  1. March 16, 2015

    […] asleep in a drunken stupor on the floor of Delilah’s room was a real contender for the number 1 position. It was my […]

  2. September 28, 2015

    […] good public servants, I ended up spending the rest of the day at the pub. You’ll have to read Nathan’s account of what happened next as I still don’t remember […]

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