I Must Confess…I’m Tired

It’s 7.17 am on a Sunday morning and I am awake, although I am still tired. I didn’t get to sleep until near midnight and I’ve been woken during the night by at least one of my kids, yet, here I am, functioning at 7 am on a Sunday morning.

There really is no such thing as a sleep-in in this house. During the week, we’re up between 6 and 6.30 am and we’re lucky to make it past 7 am on the weekends. Although I was very excited to reach 8 am one morning of these holidays – unheard of!

I’m lucky that I usually don’t have too much trouble going to sleep but I tend to go to bed too late every night – it’s the only time I can usually get things organised and done and thought of without the kids needing my attention. As such, it’s not unusual for me to fall into bed near midnight, knowing I will be up again in a mere 6 hours time…

Of course, I have been chronically tired since my kids started arriving, over 10 years ago now. The initial intense period of baby induced sleep deprivation eventually fades but you are generally then left with many years of broken sleep due to toddler awakenings, night terrors, bed-wetting and occasional bouts of sickness.

For me, there have also been those periods of depression which makes it very hard for me to still my brain enough to go to sleep in the first place. Then, with the inevitable night awakening that follows, my treacherous brain starts up again and keeps me captive to my fears through the wee hours of the morning.

At the moment, I am mentally spent, which is not due to depression or lack of sleep. I’ve felt tired and uninspired and unmotivated and restless and distracted for the last few months. My normal focus and drive have seemingly evaporated leaving me incapable and uninterested in blogging.

Ever since my stress-induced-event-that-may-have-been-a-stroke I’ve been (naturally) questioning what I am doing. Questioning what I want to do. Questioning my reason for being.

Constantly dwelling on the big questions does tend to leave you emotionally spent and unable to write about general life. I know I have felt, in a way, like a fraud for writing about the things that don’t matter while being unable to write about the things that do. But I just can’t summon the strength or the focus or the words to do much more.

It doesn’t help that I’ve also been busier than normal at work which has consumed any spare brain power that I’ve had. Juggling working at home has also been a steep learning curve. I am a lot more productive but I need to learn when to turn the computer off and leave work behind…

The ongoing uncertainty surrounding the voluntary redundancy process (of which I have applied for) is also messing with my focus and drive. Offers are due to be made soon – who knows whether I will receive an offer or not, or even what I will do if I do receive one. All I know is until offers are made and further financial information is available, I will continue to feel in limbo.

Holiday planning, household budgeting, appliance purchases (my dying oven is about to be sent to a better place 🙁 ) and general everyday life is also eroding any opportunity to blog. Those rare occasions I have time to commit my thoughts to the page, I just want to sit and not have to think at all. Hence the lack of thoughts and lack of posts from me recently…

So with all this in mind, I am going to take a blogging break, at least until I receive some resolution at work and I sort out some of the house stuff. A break away should allow me to regroup, get inspired and discover my love of writing again. Sorry to Lydia who tagged me in the “Why I Write” blogging game. I suspect if I wrote that post now, it would not be the post it should be!

I will need some volunteers to host I Must Confess for the next four weeks while I have a break. Don’t worry if the thought of hosting daunts you, I will provide the linkup code (unless you have access to your own linkup tool) and believe me, it is heaps of fun to host. I’m hoping some of my regulars will put up their hands and take turns in keeping it going for the next few weeks.

Fingers crossed I’ll re-discover my blogging mojo by then!

Thanks to everyone who has read and commented despite my lack of response or reciprocity lately – I will make it up to you, I promise!

So, for the last time for a while – tell me your confession. Are you struggling with sleep? With blogging? With life?

Join in the with best community ever – my blogging besties – for I Must Confess.

Linking up with Ann for Things I Know, Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday and Bron for the Weekend Rewind.

The Rules…

I Must Confess

– I Must Confess is a link up that runs every Monday and remains live for the whole week.

– You can link up something old or new, we’re not fussy around here.

– Feel free to go with the prompt for the week or add your own confession, whatever suits.

– Please go forth and share the comment love – it is bloggy crack after all!

– We’re always open to suggestions for the weekly prompt!

Next week’s prompt – there is no prompt – it’s up to you!

Next week’s host (21/7) is the all knowing Ann from Help, I’m Stuck.
Followed by the mysterious Raychael AKA Ms Mystery Case on 28/7.
The baton then moves to the wonderful Lisa from Button Brain on 4/8.
Before moving onto the lovely Emma from Five Degrees of Chaos on 11/8.
And then landing with the youthful Toni from Finding Myself Young on 18/8.
All going to plan, I will be back to host from 25/8 – be good and stay safe until then!

Spread the positivity!
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33 Responses

  1. I’m more than happy to host for the next few weeks if you want me! I’ve just had a bit of a blogging break and looking forward to getting back into things and a forced agenda is exactly what I need although, if I hit publish on tomorrow’s post you could argue that I too need a forced blogging break.
    Mystery Case recently posted..Mystery Case Confession | Mind the GAP

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks Raych – I will definitely take you up on your offer to host. A few others have offered to help out as well – it’s great to know the linkup will be in good hands while I try to get my head in order!

  2. Kirsty I have been awake since 2 am this morning, thinking about the important and mundane stuff that fills our heads in those wee small hours. I understand the thoughts that are just impossible to hush, no matter how hard we try. Good for you for recognising the need for a break. I am happy to add my name to the hostess options, I just had a bit of a break so I am happy to carry the ball for you while you recharge. xx Take care and be gentle with yourself x
    Lisa (@lybliss) recently posted..A House Divided

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks so much Lisa – I’d love for you to help with the hosting duties. I’m also relieved to know that I’m not the only one who’s needed a bit of a blogging break lately…hoping I come back as refreshed as you have!

  3. I’m sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed by it all at the moment, completely understand your need for a bloggy break. Hope you’re feeling more positive and energised soon xxx
    Janet @ Middle Aged Mama recently posted..6 Fashion Must-Haves from the 70′s

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks Janet – I’m hoping a break will sort me out. Just a little too much going on right now for my poor brain to handle! 🙂

  4. Ness says:

    Enjoy your bloggy break and I hope you get your work issues sorted out very soon. I know how you feel about everyday life getting you down. We just purchased a new stove and fridge and the new fridge isn’t working so we have to get a replacement. Meanwhile, our washing machine has now decided to die a slow death. It all just adds to the general chaos of life with 3 kids, doesn’t it? Like I said in my post, I’m really amazed by parents who juggle work and kids. I just can’t do it. I really hope you’re feeling better soon. Have a wonderful break. Big hugs. xo
    Ness recently posted..In Search Of Slumber

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks Ness! I’m looking forward to actually being able to do nothing at all, if I choose, instead of trying to fit everything in, very unsuccessfully!

  5. Oh lovely I’m feeling a bit like that and last night when I had to come up with an amusing post I was like nooooooo I just want to go away on holiday and not work, blog, be on social media. Might just be PMS but I get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night, and that’s if I’m lucky. I have decided to move out of the living/kitchen room and hope a corner office in the spare room might allow me a bit more time to process life. Enjoy your break, I hope things sort themselves out… hugs and strength Kirst, you really do so well with all that you have to cope with in your life Emxxx
    Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me recently posted..Six signs you’re a Harry Hoarder! – Laugh Linkup

    • Kirsty says:

      I hope reclaiming the spare room for your writing helps Em. As for me, I think allowing myself a little downtime will do me a world of good – I’m not good at doing nothing or taking it easy but I think I have to try in order to clear my head and look after me.

  6. I hope you get some resolution with the work stuff soon, it’s such a huge change and making the submission required such a huge leap of faith that the waiting must be awful!
    Emma Fahy Davis recently posted..The War On Sleep

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks Emma. I can’t deny the not knowing is affecting me. At least knowing will force a decision, one way or the other. Then I might be able to move on, breathe a little easier and think a little more clearly!

  7. Lisa says:

    Oh I am glad I linked up today then! I have no idea how to host the linkup but happy to help out if you would like me to. Blogging really takes so much energy doesn’t it? Hope you get some rest and get your mojo back soon. xx
    Lisa recently posted..A Mother’s Confessions…

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks so much for your offer to help Lisa. Hosting really is very easy – I find the hard part is actually getting to everyone’s post and not missing anyone!

  8. Zita says:

    Kirsty, sorry to read that you have been feeling this way! I think taking a break sounds like a great idea, time to look after YOU! Hope everything works out and you get some rest and whatever else it is you need to feel better! I would volunteer to host but would have no idea what I was doing and couldn’t gaurantee I would do your link up justice given that crazy term has just begun!
    Zita recently posted..to sleep

  9. I’m happy to help host for a week if you like Kirsty. Hope the break gives you the rest you need. I can totally relate to your brain not letting you sleep at night.
    Toni @ Finding Myself Young recently posted..Sleep – post baby

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks so much Toni – would love for you to have a turn at hosting. I’m actually looking forward to having less screen time at night for the next few weeks and being able to got to bed earlier and with a clearer brain. Fingers crossed I will come back with renewed energy and inspiration!

  10. Tegan says:

    I’m so sorry that things are so overwhelming at the moment. I hope that taking some time out will help you to feel in a better head space. I’m happy to host one week too if you need xx
    Tegan recently posted..Sleep Patterns

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks so much Tegan – I will definitely call on you to host over the coming weeks. It’s been wonderful to receive so many offers of help – knowing the linkup is in good hands will make it easier for me to let go and ensure I have a real break over the next few weeks.

  11. Natalie says:

    Hope you have a good break and you get your mojo back!

  12. Paula J says:

    I so feel for you! My baby wakes 1-2 times a night and I’m up early and have more to do than I can fit in any one day. It is exhausting I know. I have just been taking a more relaxed approach to blogging these days. I run my weekend blog party each weekend and sometimes that’s the only post I’m able to do, whereas I used to post every weekday. I hope you get a much needed break, and if you need a host I’d be willing to do so!!
    Paula J recently posted..I’m Cohosting the Chain Linky Climb (Blog Hop)!

    • Kirsty says:

      Thanks so much for your kind offer Paula! Glad to know too that I’m not the only one struggling to write more than one post a week!

  13. Big Hugs to you. It takes a strong person to realise and admit that they need to take a break and step back for a little while. It is a lot harder than people give it credit for. I hope that you can gather your thoughts and refocus yourself into whatever direction it is that you want to go. I do hope to see you back in the blogging world soon though, if it still fits in your life. And I think you are not alone with lack of sleep, there is a few of us nodding along to that, myself included.
    Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages recently posted..Always Josefa

  14. It’s good to take a break. It’s an exhausting thing. Enjoy and I’ll be back for your Why I write when you are ready…
    Lydia C. Lee recently posted..Things about Social Media I don’t get (because I’m old)

  15. Sleep deprivation is a cruel thing and a very real, debilitating thing. I’m there with you. I go to bed too late to get stuff done and then up and down to feed my 1 year old (still not sleeping through the nights). I find too if I’m exhausted I don’t have the creative capacity to blog which I feel guilty about and that just adds to everything. Is there any possibility you can have a sleepover somewhere to get a full nights sleep? I recently did this at my sister in laws and it made a difference and everyone managed without me for the night.

    I have not been following the I confess linky (where have I been??) but happy to host if need?

    Take care. Hope the redundancy issue works out
    Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad recently posted..Click!

  16. ann says:

    Happy to be able to help. Enjoy your break Kirsty, surely between the five of us things will be fine!! Hopefully!!
    ann recently posted..Things I Know #16- Groundhog Day

  17. I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time. I hope things get sorted out into a new rhythm of normal soon. Uncertainty can be pretty awful.
    Rebecca Stephens recently posted..Mater maternity and baby care – giveaway & review

  18. Me says:

    I haven’t posted for over 6 weeks (until today) – life got too busy and I had things to do that were more beneficial for me than blogging – sad but true !
    There is nothing worse than not knowing – I hope that find out something soon about your job/redundancy.
    Have the best day !
    Me recently posted..Why I Blog

  19. Grace says:

    Kirsty, dear, take as long of a break as you need. Life gets on top of all of us and it’s important to know when your brain, your body and your heart needs time out.
    Take care and come back when you’re ready xxx
    Grace recently posted..FYBF – The Name That Tune Edition

  20. Alicia says:

    I so know these feelings. I tend to shy away from interaction when I feel like this, like curling up into a ball and hiding from the world.
    Take care of you and yours, give yourself a big hug and know that everything is going to be alright xx
    Alicia recently posted..Tandoori Chicken

  21. oh I get this feeling. More than most.

    Nothing like a brush with could-be-death to make you question your entire being. I (and my blog) have never been the same.

    Sending love and mojo your way.
    kelley @ magnetoboldtoo recently posted..The girl with no tongue

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