I Must Confess…I am not Superwoman
Welcome to another round of revelations, secrets and confessions as part of I Must Confess. Thanks, as always, to all of you who come back week after week for more. It makes me feel a little better to know I am not the only over-sharer around these parts!
This week’s prompt is all about your earliest memory of childhood. As you can tell I’m actually not going with the prompt this week (it is, after all, only a prompt) but I’m looking forward to seeing what early memories some of you are planning to share.
I’ve made no secret of the fact I have been struggling lately, with pretty much everything. I’ve tried to be upbeat and not dwell too much on that here but the time has come to get some of this stuff off my chest.
You know, as much as I hate to admit it, I am not superwoman. There, I’ve said it.
For many years I have tried to do it all and have it all but it really is not possible. Being a working mother sucks. It really does. Most of the time I take it on the chin and keep on going. Luckily I have a martyr complex so it sort of comes easily to me…
But right now, if I could afford to leave my job I would walk right out and never look back.
I have never felt this way before. I have always enjoyed my job. I have always innately known that I needed to work outside the home, that remaining at home would not be enough to fulfill me.
However, the stress of working 5 days a week (I only work 5 hours a day so, yes, I am part-time but it’s still 5 days outside the home), the pressure of caring for 3 kids (2 with special needs), the demands of trying to build a house, the weight of blogging and the day-to-day tasks that I need to keep up with around the home are just proving too much right now.
I feel empty. Apart from the big ball of anxiety that has made it’s home in my stomach, of course. Everywhere I look there is something to do or somewhere to be or something to think about. The noise in my head is deafening and lately I can’t find a way to escape it.
I would love to find some release on the blog but time and energy and motivation have all been MIA lately. The posts that I want to write just don’t seem to want to be written and I’ve fallen behind in commenting and participating fully in other linkups too.
I suppose I feel if I could just let go of something (work preferably) then things would be easier and I would be better able to cope with my life. It’s a wonderful dream but not that practical right now so I need to look at other options in my control instead.
First up, I’m having a week off work next week to recharge my batteries. Hopefully we’ll get away for a few days to just ‘be’ and I’ll be able to soak up time with the family and actually enjoy them. Maybe I’ll even be able to slow down a little bit, for a little while, at least. Hopefully.
I’ve also finally got an appointment with my GP, a long overdue and long awaited visit. I know now that I need help in order to find a better way to cope with the demands of my life. Let’s hope she can put me in the right direction.
And I’m going to take a step back from the blog, starting with a short blogging break next week. So there will be no I Must Confess next Monday April 22 but it will be back Monday April 29. I will be maintaining this linkup because it does mean a lot to me and I would hate to see it fold. But I will be stepping back from other linkups and more regular blogging until I sort myself out.
I will also be seeking your suggestions for future prompts for I Must Confess. To this point I have been setting the tone but I would love for this community to have some input as well. So hit me with your confession prompts and we’ll start working through them.
The prompt for the next round on Monday April 29, as suggested by the lovely Raychael from Mystery Case, is all about bad hair. Come clean with some of the worst hairstyles you have sported over the years, preferably with pictorial evidence!
So that’s my long winded confession for the week – if you have read this far, well done! And now you will be rewarded with your chance to get something off your chest. You know the drill – fess up, link up and find out what everyone else is sharing this week.
– I Must Confess is a link up that will be happening every Monday and will remain live for the whole week.
– You can link up something old or new, we’re not fussy around here.
– Feel free to go with the prompt for the week or add your own confession, whatever suits.
– Please go forth and share the comment love – it is bloggy crack after all!
Prompt for Monday 29 April – share the worst of your bad hair!